Grisha grew up in a small town in Russia with his parents and his little brother(whom I will further refer to as rutham)

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We’d lay supine atop the grassy hills of our secret spot, staring with gaping eyes at the cold starry autumn night sky. Rutham would point at some constellations and name them but only “Orion” stuck to my memory, partly because I couldn’t care less and more because I was distracted by the gleam in Rutham’s eyes and the gracious glee on his young face. My brother loved the stars fervently and I loved him for how much he dedicated to his passion.

As time passed he grew more curious about interstellar travel and space and wanted badly to visit space as an astronaut himself. He’d talk endlessly about nifty space trivia which no one at home really cared about but would give an encouraging nod, mom and dad were loving parents and supported our dreams any way they could.

But life could care less about dreams, since a dream in itself was mere escapism to deluge the harsh monotonous arbitrariness of reality.

Rutham died in his first year of high school, leaving our parents with the indifferent and unmotivated elder brother…ME.

After high school, college and a masters degree, chasing after a dream that wasn’t even mine, I ended up joining Roscosmos.

I seldom felt like I was chasing after something I shouldn’t be, but attaining what rutham wanted so bad but couldn’t, I felt was my obligation, and duty to see to the accomplishment of his dream for the both of us. That’s why even though rising through the ranks at roscosmos was a very harsh ordeal, I remained unfazed putting on the same gleeful smile I knew rutham would wear and constantly emancipating an air of geniality. Even going as far as displaying optimistic sangfroid in times of distress. Why? Someone on my space exploration team asked me the same question and I said;

“I don’t know. Perhaps because I’m living rutham’s dream I can’t afford to show any emotion that’d differ from his. Just to deceive him if he’s watching me from somewhere out there or maybe just to deceive myself”